Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
She has the best kind of daddy issues
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
