Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
