Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
