it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
