I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
