Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize