Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
