He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
