dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
