U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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