...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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