You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize