On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
