sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
