i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
