found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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