Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize