I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
