sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
