He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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