before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Randomize
