either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
