At least make sure they are 18
Why
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
