You can't special order awesome
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
