too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
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