I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
