the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Your cock deserves a montage
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
