Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
