Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
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