it was like his penis was on wheels.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
