I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
