What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
