Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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