I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i think i have herpe
just one?
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
