remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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