Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
