guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
