So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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