I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I think I am morally bankrupt
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
