I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Randomize
