ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
