yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I can text with my tongue
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
