I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
