We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
