Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
