Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
