I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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