It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
