I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
