I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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