nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Randomize
