ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Operation Purity has been aborted
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
