It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
