The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm always down for nudity.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
