Taylor Swift is so right about you.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
