That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
