I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
