Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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