Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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