Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
