She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Randomize
