Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
