smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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