I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
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