Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
