A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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