Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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