I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
